There's no magic to the best sexual you
Anne Stagg Speaks,  Musing,  Sexual Wellness

The Best Sexual You, Sex and Magic Numbers

Hello, My Beauties. It’s that time of year yet again. Self-reflective energy seems to accompany the turn in the calendar. Everywhere there’s talk about how to the best you in the new year.

The internet is silly with articles telling us how to live, eat, sleep, exercise, and yes indeed, fuck. So, please allow me to remove one item from the pile of ick you have to worry about.

There’s no magic number of times to have sex to ensure a healthier you or happier relationship.

Period. End of.

A Magic Potion of Hearts because this time of year is silly with articles that claim to have the formula to live your best life. This one included.

It may seem odd to focus on this right now. After all, the world’s goddamn wreck. An entire continent is on fire and the orange shit-gibbon in Washington, D.C., has manufactured a war to distract from his crimes.

But, try to remember it’s natural to focus on something you can control when everything else looks like it’s falling to ruin. That’s the power behind all these articles about how to live your “best life.” They offer the illusion of comfort and control.

It’s easy to tumble into the deadfall of their special brand of certainty.

There have been plenty of times throughout my life that I’ve thought, “If I can just get this ONE THING right, everything else will fall into place.” It didn’t matter if it was my sexuality, gender, physical and mental health, weight, income, or sex life

But these articles are written with a distorted lens. They are often written from a white, cis-gender, heteronormative, able-bodied, middle-class perspective.

Crystal Ball with Hearts: Because most of the time the "live your best life" articles are written through a distorted lens.

Sure, having sex at least three times a week sounds great. But I have severe arthritis, and even the gentlest partnered sex makes my joints hurt. Does that mean that my relationship is lacking intimacy? Big nope. 

Mr. Crispy and I have found ways to be intimate that honors our needs (sexual and emotional). Is it three times a week? No. Sometimes it’s not even one time a week. Or one time a month. Or, during the worst of my disease process, one time a year. 

Yeah. There was a time we didn’t have sex for three years.

And didn’t every single article I tripped over during that time fuck with my head. I obsessed over sex, to the extent I knew precisely how long it had been since we’d fucked, to the day.

It was heart-wrenching. Every article I saw (or had ever seen) about how lack of sex was a warning sign of imminent catastrophe featured in my thoughts.

The golden key is self- and partnered-reflection and communicate. Be fearless and honest.

Luckily, Mr. Crispy, who is (as previously stated) an incredible fella, was honest, kind, and not at all worried. When I worried, he was there with reassurance and compassion. We talked through our needs and looked for solutions that worked for both of us. 

You’ll find sexual satisfaction when your focus is on what works for you and your partner(s).

Self- and partnered-reflection will get you to where you want to go. Kindness. Compassion. Honesty. Those are the tools that will serve you best. Anything or anyone who tells you different is selling something. 

Be well, be wonderful, and above all, be you.

Anne

 Want to send aid to folks in Australia, but don’t know how? Visit one of these charities: Australian Red Cross, GIVIT, NSW Rural Fire Service.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Social media & sharing icons powered by UltimatelySocial
%d bloggers like this: