Post Update February 21, 2020
Hello, my beauties. Since writing this piece, I’ve come out as genderqueer femme. It’s interesting to come back here, and re-read this piece. My internal reality was shifting in epic, tectonic plate grinding ways. I remember writing the words “I’m cis-gender” and knowing it didn’t fit.
But I didn’t know how to reconcile that feeling with my internal reality. At least not without blowing up the infrastructure of my life. However, when I gave myself permission to be authentically me, I discovered my infrastructure was stronger than I ever imagined. It was wonderous.
Also, My position on Wynn has changed a bit, as well.
Wynn’s discussion of her experience in hyper-woke spaces doesn’t bother me. But, the way she dealt with that situation was kind of shit. Also, her decision to include Buck Angel, even for 10 seconds, in her piece Opulence was also shit. And not just kind of, but full-blown shit.
He’s horrible to nonbinary folks (of which I count myself one). His inclusion legitimized his awfulness. And he is awful from his treatment of nonbinary folks and his position as a trans-medicalist to his history as a gross gatekeeper.
Hello, My Beauties,
It’s a busy week. The third chapter of my newest story, “Fearless” is live on Bellesa.co. And on #fetchat we’re exploring issues trans and gender non-conforming folks’ experience in the BDSM community.
Firstly, let’s talk about “Fearless,” my newest offering on Bellesa.
“Fearless” took root back in March while I’d been doing a fair amount of reflection on gender and sexual expression. Especially the intersection of gender, sexuality, and kink.
“Fearless“: Meet Maddie Soares, an art therapist, who trips over an edging post in her quest for solo satisfaction. She falls hard for the blogger. After months of flirting and playing online, she summons the courage to ask them for coffee.
A genius move, if Maddie can manage to keep her tongue and her heart in check when she meets Lyran the Fearless in person.
“Fearless” is, at its heart, a love story.
But it is also a study in what it’s like to live in your skin, without shame or apology. There’s no shying away from gender fluidity (Lyran the Fearless identifies as gender-fluid), relationship talks or kink negotiation. There’s talk about lube and daddy kink, edging and beautiful dirty talk.
While “Fearless” is fiction, this week on #fetchat we’re diving into the reality of trans & gender non-conforming folks’ experience in the #BDSM community.
Raising awareness about SSC and RACK practices in the kink/BDSM community is my passion. Some things are outside of my experience, hence, I’m not always the right person to do the sharing.
Enter this week’s #fetchat guest, Master Ruby (@MasterRuby1866on Twitter). An incredible advocate, Master Ruby’s site collaredgirls.com, focuses on issues in the BDSM community. This blog is a treasure trove of information from explorations of kink to the intersection of mental health and BDSM. I give you leave, go forth, and read Master Ruby’s work.
So, it makes sense that gender has been on my mind.
Gender identity. Gender expression. The whole cassava. What my experiences with gender expression have been like as I’ve aged from a baby Stagg to the present, more mature, discerning Stagg.
I love unicorns and stickers. If anything, I’ve regressed to that of a hyper-sexual, emotionally liberated 13-year-old.
Regardless of my emotional and aesthetic maturity, I jotted down some thoughts about gender non-conformity. Full disclosure: I am cisgender).
But then the whole ContraPoints debacle exploded.
For those unfamiliar with the situation, Social justice activist Natalie Wynn produces a YouTube channel called ContraPoints. Wynn’s exploration and acceptance of her gender identity are one of the central themes of the channel.
Wynn tweeted about hyper-woke spaces dominated by cis people, specifically cis women. The comment centered on using pronouns in introductions. She also talked about T/GNC millennials and T/GNC visibility.
Now, I’m not here to defend or decry Wynn.
It’s not my place because I’m cisgender. I need to listen to trans and gender-nonconforming voices — not just about this, but about everything.
So, this week I’m sharing a list of some of the trans folks making incredible content on the internets.
Trans & Gender Nonconforming Voices
I Am: Trans People Speak: A project from developed by the Massachusetts Transgender Political Coalition that allows trans folks to share their truth. It’s a collective of trans voices and stunning. It’s transformative.
Peter/Ethel Thurston & their Youtube channel “Essence of Thought”:An incredible YouTube channel founded by Udita Chakrabarti (She) and Peter/Ethel Thurston (They/She/He). The channel offers critique of internet content that impacts human rights from secularism to trans rights. Start with Essence of Thought’s series of videos critiquing a video about trans women and sports.
Mx Nillin: Mx Nillin is a queer & gorgeous androbabe. The blog is a delightful mixture of education and unfettered personal sexual and sensual expression.
Queer & Confused: This queer comedian’s site has erotica, poetry, and photography. It offers an unabashed exploration of sexuality, sexual expression, trans positivity, and mental health. It’s a great site if you need a moment immersed in some gorgeous, sizzling hot words.
Jamie Raines (Jammiedodger) & his channel “Hey Guys, It’s Jamie”:Oh my goodness, just go to his channel and watch him come out as trans to his future sisters-in-law. It’s going to melt your heart. Jamie is a delight.
Monica Roberts & her blog Transgriot: Fierce and thoughtful, Monica Roberts speaks truth to power about liberation within and outside of communities of color. She’s a force of nature and her writing is beautiful.
Thought Slime: Thought Slime is a non-binary YouTuber who tackles anarchy, socioeconomics, mental health, and pop culture. Thought Slime doesn’t shy from talking about mental health and gender identity.