Anger gets a bad wrap

The Only Thing to Fear: #Fetchat & Fear Play

It’s Pride Month, My Beauties!

YIKES. I have so much to tell you. I’ve been on a bit of a self-imposed hiatus. Family fuckery necessitated a lot of self-caring (Want the history? See my post “Anger Gets a Bad Wrap”). Today, I want to talk about #Fetchat, the weekly Twitter chat that I co-host, and this week’s topic: fear play as kink.

#Fetchat is a weekly Twitter Chat for kinksters, fetishists, and the curious to learn and explore topics of interest in the kink and fetish communities. The chat is hosted by me (@annestaggwrites) & Nikki (@loveisafetish) each Wednesday at 5PM EST.

You can join us by searching #fetchat on Twitter or hopping over to the @Fet_chat Twitter feed.

First a litter history about #Fetchat.

#Fetchat was started by Vanessa Page in 2018 as a weekly Twitter Chat for folks in, around, and interested in learning about the Kink and Fetish community. The chat was great, but due to some scheduling challenges, the incredible Ms. Page was unable to continue hosting. 

Enter Nikki from and I. We were regulars and often tweeted mutual love for each other’s insights. When it was clear that Vanessa didn’t have the space to host any longer, Nikki DM’d me asking if I’d like to partner up and host the chat. In April 2019, with the blessing of its creator, we brought back #Fetchat. 

Which brings us up to the present day and this week’s #fetchat subject: Fear Play. 

First, we’ll be joined by the Good Girl Gone Bad, a podcasting Goddess from the UK who hosts the Good Girl Gone Bad Podcast on Podbean. The podcast is dedicated to discussing all things sex and kink in gloriously real and uncensored ways. She also reads erotica and has a drop-dead sexy voice. 

Go. Listen to an episode of the Good Girl Gone Bad Podcast. I promise you’ll be on fire within minutes.

What I know about fear play isn’t extensive. My understanding is limited to research, my own kink experiences and how fear plays a part within them, and my past work as a therapist. (Yup, people trust me with their noggin).

I find the fear inherent in receiving a spanking thrilling in the same way I experience watching a scary movie as exciting.

In a good horror film, there’s a gut-twisting sense of not knowing what’s around a corner and at the same time, knowing that something’s waiting. It’s the rules that you accept when you turn on that movie.

The buildup of tension gets my blood flowing and the reveal elicits a release. Of course, for me that usually comes in the form of shrieking and scaring the dog. Don’t judge. Regardless of the film, the experience of fear is contained within a specific set of expectations and boundaries, which I know and accept at face value.

For me, the experience with spanking is similar.

I know what I’m getting into because there are pre-scene discussions about limits, boundaries, and safe words. A climbing sense of anticipation about the impending pleasure/pain of the spanking. Then comes the scene itself and the incredible release that accompanies such a trusting and physically liberating experience. But though the fear adds spice to the dish, it isn’t the main course.

From what I’ve read, fear play isn’t a shift in the flavor of a scene in which fear is a component, but a different type of scene altogether

Fear play is a kink in which the scene is designed to elicit the fight/flight/freeze response from the submissive(s) (subs) in the scene. The Dom(me) and sub(s) creating the scene discuss expectations, scenarios, limits, and safe words like any other scene. However, in fear play, the kink being explored is fear, itself.

It’s the kind of play that demands responsible partners, brutally honest discussions, a boatload of preparation, and specific, clearly defined limits and expectations. There also needs to be a well-designed aftercare plan which creates space for the sub and the Dom(me) to come back into reality together.

Fascinating, right? Are you curious to learn more? 

I am. I can’t wait to hear what Good Girl Gone Bad, Nikki, and the delightful kinksters and fetishists of Twitter have to say about Fear Play. So please, join us on Wednesday, June 5that 5 pm EST. All you have to do is search #fetchat on Twitter or slide on over to the @Fet_Chat Twitter feed.

Bring yourself and your thoughts, because everyone is welcome and encouraged to participate! 

Take care, my Beauties. 

Be Well. Be Wonderful. And Above All, Be You.


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