Are you coming?

Hello, My Beauties!

I imagine someone published a new study somewhere because my social media feeds are bursting with articles about orgasms. And a few weeks ago, some of my sister Smut Goddesses and I engaged in a Twitter chat about how dreadful not being able to come can be when you want to but your body doesn’t.

It occurred to me we confer truckloads of value and self-worth on these brief moments of bliss.

Don’t mistake me. Climaxing is greatĀ if you enjoy the sensation. I think of orgasms like the Swiss army knife of physical experiences. A satisfying one can serve as everything from an alternative to a sleeping pill, a distraction from chronic pain, or an earth-shattering spiritual epiphany. I love the shivery, delicious feeling of pleasure rippling out from the center of my body.

About five years ago, I went through a period when I couldn’t climax. The situation sucked and filled me with wretched insecurity and self-doubt. Every sexual encounter, both with Mr. Crispy and alone, ended with me asking myself the question:

Was my pussy broken or my brain?

I kept silent (problem number one). When I did break my silence, my husband, Mr. Crispy was supportive and sweet, despite my being a crabby jerk. He convinced me to talk to my therapist and my doctor. The solutions I found included chilling out, focusing on sensations, and letting go of my attachment to the end result. I learned not coming didn’t mean the sex was bad.

A Smidgen of Advice: If your partner or partners give you static for not coming, find some new folks to roll around naked with.

I think we (read the universal WE) look at the orgasm as the pinnacle of a sexual experience. Sometimes climaxing is what we’re aiming for, but, don’t forget, the journey from moment to moment can be beautiful, whether you’re sharing your body with other folks or making love to yourself.

If you want to orgasm and you’re struggling, don’t despair:

DON’T SUFFER IN SILENCE. Talk to your partner(s) if you are in a relationship with another person or persons.

ASK FOR HELP. Scour the internet for informative, credible sources of information and look for resources like affirming physicians and therapists in your area.

MASTURBATE TO FEEL GOOD, NOT TO COME. You’ll learn about your body and what makes you tingle;

BE KIND TO YOURSELF. Guess what? You’re not broken. Engage in healthful activities that make you happy and give you a sense of peace.

Remember, My Beauties, most of us struggle with our bodies in one way or another, you’re not alone.

Be Well and Be Wonderful!

Anne.

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